Great Signs!

                                     Sign over a Gynecologist' s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

************ ********* *****

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."  (read it again) 

************ ********* *****  

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels  

************ ********* *****  

At a Proctologist' s door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in. "

************ ********* *****  

On a Plumber's truck: 

"We repair what your husband fixed."  

************ ********* *****

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."  

************ ********* *****  

On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

************ ********* *****

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."  

************ ********* *****

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

************ ********* *****

On an Electrician' s truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

************ ********* *****  

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

************ ********* *****

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

************ ********* *****  

At an Optometrist' s Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."  

************ ********* *****  

On a Taxidermist' s window:

"We really know our stuff."

************ ********* *****  

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

************ ********* *****  

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."  

************ ********* *****  

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

************ ********* *****

In a Veterinarian' s waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

************ ********* *****

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."  

************ ********* *****

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

 

************ ********* *****  

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

************ ********* *****  

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."  

************ ********* *****  

And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."  

************ ********* *

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

 

 


     

 

BBQ rules

 

 

 

 

 

BBQ RULES  

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...

(1)
The woman buys the food.
(2)
The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3)
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, marinates, rubs, etc. and places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4)
The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:

(5)
THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...

(6)
The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7)
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:

(8)
THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...

(9)
The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10)
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:

(11)
Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12)
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women