Sign over a Gynecologist' s Office:"Dr. Jones, at your
cervix."************
********* *****In a
Podiatrist's office:"Time wounds all
heels." (read it
again)************
********* *****On a Septic Tank
Truck:Yesterday's Meals on
Wheels************
********* *****At a
Proctologist' s door:"To expedite your
visit, please back in. "************
********* *****On a Plumber's truck:"We repair what your
husband fixed."************
********* *****On another Plumber's
truck:"Don't sleep with a
drip. Call your plumber."************
********* *****On a
Church's Bill board:"7 days without God
makes one weak."************
********* *****At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :"Invite us to your
next blowout."************
********* *****At a
Towing company:"We don't charge an
arm and a leg. We want tows."************
********* *****On an Electrician' s
truck:"Let us remove your
shorts."************
********* *****In a
Non-smoking Area:"If we see smoke, we
will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."************
********* *****On a
Maternity Room door:"Push. Push.
Push."************
********* *****At an Optometrist' s
Office:"If you don't see
what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."************
********* *****On a Taxidermist' s
window:"We really know our
stuff."************
********* *****On a
Fence:"Salesmen welcome!
Dog food is expensive!"************
********* *****At a
Car Dealership:"The best way to get
back on your feet - miss a car payment."************
********* *****Outside
a Muffler Shop:"No appointment
necessary. We hear you coming."************
********* *****In a
Veterinarian' s waiting room:"Be back in 5
minutes. Sit! Stay!"************
********* *****At the Electric Company"We would be
delighted if you send in your payment.However, if you
don't, you will be."************
********* *****In a
Restaurant window:"Don't stand there
and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
************
********* *****In the
front yard of a Funeral Home:"Drive carefully.
We'll wait."************ *********
*****At a Propane
Filling Station:"Thank heaven for
little grills."************
********* *****And don't forget the sign at
aCHICAGO RADIATOR
SHOP:"Best place in town
to take a leak."
************
********* *Sign on the back of
another Septic Tank Truck:"Caution - This
Truck is full of Political Promises"
BBQ
RULESWe
are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it
is important to refresh your memory on the
etiquette of this sublime
outdoorcooking
activity.When
a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following
chain of events are put into
motion: Routine... (1)The
woman buys the food. (2)The
woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables,
and makes dessert. (3)The
woman prepares the meat for cooking, marinates,
rubs, etc. and places it on a tray along with
the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and
takes it to the man who is lounging beside the
grill - beer in hand. (4)The
woman remains outside the compulsory three meter
exclusion zone where the exuberance of
testosterone and other manly bonding activities
can take place without the interference of the
woman. Here
comes the important
part: (5)THE
MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE
GRILL. More
routine... (6)The
woman goes inside to organize the plates and
cutlery. (7)The
woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
looking great. He thanks her and asks if she
will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important
again: (8)THE
MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO
THE WOMAN. More
routine... (9) The
woman prepares the plates, salad, bread,
utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to
the table. (10)
After eating, the woman clears the table and
does the dishes. And
most important of
all: (11)
EveryonePRAISEStheMANandTHANKS
HIMfor
his cooking efforts. (12)The
man asks the woman how she enjoyed
'her
night off',and,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
there's just no pleasing some
women